Wilderness Advice

Sketch Text:
—Or—
How to Inflict The Fear of God on a Mountain Lion.
*Disclaimer: Not with a little pocket knife about the size of your pinky, like the one depicted here! The artist only drew it because…well…he’s an artist and can draw whatever he wants. It’s his journal. However, being an artist, he also conjured up what seems like a good and admirable way to alleviate being eaten by a Mountain Lion when out drawing, sketching, or painting in the wilderness.

Imagine you are out there, sitting on a big boulder, wondrous scene before you, sketching or painting, perhaps humming a tune or whistling (actions which, by the way, attract hungry Mountain Lions). Then you hear a twig crack and there before you is a large, chop-licking, Mountain Lion. Remain calm, keep humming (just change the tune to Amazing Grace). Then slowly remove from your pocket the package of “Black Cat” firecrackers and the Bic lighter you brought along just for such predicaments.

Light ‘em up, toss ‘em at the beast, grab your sketchbook and run for the nearest tree. Don’t forget to climb it and begin screaming HELP!